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The Journey of a Lifetime: Parenting Styles and Their Impact on Children
By Deborah Meyers Do you know someone, perhaps a friend or a neighbor, who seems to live life as a
full-time explorer – always trying new activities, taking classes, traveling, cooking up exotic recipes
with ingredients you’ve never even heard of? I do. I think of him as a person who has never lost the
love of learning . . . who never tires of taking on new challenges. (Yes, he’s more of a starter than
a finisher, but I think that’s what keeps the kick in his step.)
It’s certainly not an ideal lifestyle for everyone. In fact, many of us would probably welcome a
day or two with fewer challenges to overcome – especially with a young child at home! On the other
hand, consider those characteristics described above not as an adult’s approach to life, but as a
child’s approach to learning. Isn’t that joy of discovery exactly what we want to encourage
in our children, to help start them on a lifelong journey of exploration and of facing challenges?
Numerous research studies have examined the influence of parents and the family on children’s willingness
to explore and to take risks. When young children experience close, trusting relationships, the resulting
sense of security gives them the confidence to try out new thing, to risk faltering or even failing. Researchers
are investigating the possibility that these feelings carry over into young adulthood and similarly encourage
risk-taking in education and in job choices.
Parenting styles have a significant influence on children’s feelings of self-confidence and personal
responsibility. Researchers have identified four basic parenting styles:
(1) authoritarian – very demanding but not responsive;
(2) indulgent – very responsive but not demanding;
(3) authoritative – both demanding and responsive; and
(4) uninvolved – neither demanding nor responsive.
Studies show that the third style, the authoritative one – which balances high expectations with
a recognition of children’s autonomy – is associated with self-confidence, persistence, academic
success, and social competence in children. Authoritative parents (not to be confused with authoritarian
ones!) provide guidance and support for their children's personal interests, communicate their expectation
that children will meet high standards, and encourage responsible independence. This style therefore results
in children more broadly and more actively exploring career choices later in life.
While an authoritarian parenting style can be associated with success in school, the pressure to live up
to parental expectations can contribute to emotional problems in children. Conversely, indulgent and uninvolved
parental styles – marked by a lack of guidance or encouragement – are likely to lead to children
who have few well developed personal interests.
So, what can you do to adopt more of an authoritative style and encourage your child to explore, discover,
and learn? Here are some tips on how to help your child begin the journey of a lifetime.
- Tell your child stories about your work. Discuss the importance of finding work that is personally rewarding.
For younger children, choose a colorful, concrete experience from your job: What was a challenge you encountered
that you were proud of meeting successfully? Remember to tell this as a story, with a timeline of events,
with characters, and with a "moral."
- Read with your child, reading the same book before or after he or she does. Keep great literature in
your home. Great stories teach and inspire, and your child’s questions and comments about the stories
provide opportunities to share thoughts, beliefs, and concerns about values and behavior.
- Encourage learning, taking on challenges, and developing new skills. Give your child opportunities
to recognize natural talents, explore interests, and identify academic strengths and weaknesses. Follow
up by suggesting related activities and finding additional information together.
- Model patience in coping with frustrating challenges. Gifted children in particular can be impatient
when things don't come easily. When your car or your dishwasher breaks down, or when you are attempting
a home-improvement job, show your child how to approach these challenges calmly and rationally, how to
break down a complex task into simple steps, and how to seek help and advice.
- Acknowledge, however, that difficult challenges can be frustrating, and emphasize that, while results
are important, it's just as important to realize that learning something new is a process, and that the
process itself has value and can be enjoyed. Don’t forget, in other words, that the authoritative
parenting style is not only demanding, but also responsive.
 The
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Deborah Meyers has over 30 years’ experience in the areas
of education, communication, and public information. As writer and project manager for Partners In Brainstorms,
Inc., a consulting firm specializing in identifying current and future dynamics in the education market,
she has contributed to numerous program materials for tweens and teens ages 11–17 as well as research
reports on the K–12 education market.
09/13/2006 |
